Not a day passes that I don’t wonder about how it would have been to have you here with us. Not a day goes by that I do not miss you, I miss you every day. I wish everyday you could be here and that you weren’t taken from us. And as I write and portray characters are red heads it makes me ache more to be able to point to you and say this awesome character is about her. Instead I keep it bottled up that the reason I always have a red haired character is because of my sister up in heaven. I pains me to keep it bottled up that the reason I dye my hair red is in memory of you.
I know you know that we miss you, and I know that you are constantly watching over us, and I know that one day we’ll be reunited, and until then I wait. I write and wait. Writing seems to ease the pain and ease the heartache but some days nothing seems to help except to write about you and tell the world about that dreaded day.
And when all else fails I clutch the big white bear and just pray and pretend that the bear is you. The big white bear, the tiny white bear, and the brown bear all came to be mine at your funeral as they were gifts from relatives. Not sure how a bear was supposed to help an 8 year old child cope with the lose of her sister, but they thought it would ease the pain, it never did. They were just constant reminders of placing your tiny white casket in the ground beside our uncle, and of your gray heart shaped tombstone that rest above you.
We went and saw you a few weeks back, and I hid my tears from my boyfriend, trying to be strong. Knowing I wanted to burst so despiratly into tears, that have been building up these last few days.
Snow, what is this snow that people speak of?
Snow is frozen drips of water,
that falls down from the sky.
Covering the ground in a blanket of white.
Snow, every young child’s delight.
Children ride on sleds,
But it is not safe to ride your bike.
Though it causes adults some fright.
Roads become unsafe,
as icy crystals fall from the sky.
Schools and job close
because it is unsafe to travel.
Snow is beautiful when you see it.
So many thing you can do with it.
Build snowmen, make snow angels.
Even have snowball fights.
Snow is really a wonderous delight.
Several months back I made a list of some helpful writing tips. One’s that I use when I’m actually writing. Though I will admit, sometimes it is hard to follow them and I do get side tracked from time to time.
1. You don’t always need quiet to write, some people write better with distractions. I have music playing or the sound of my boyfriend playing a video game in the background.
2. Facebook and other forms of social media are great, but when you writing they become a distraction- So cut them off.
3. Don’t be afraid to ask for advice. At first I wasn’t scared to ask the opinion of other writers because I was unsure of what would happen. Now I realize that when you are stuck the best thing to do is ask your writing friends for advice.
4. Carry a notebook with you wherever you go. This way if you get inspiration you can write it down.
5. Don’t worry about editing in the beginning, just write, edit later.
6. If you have to write a character bio out for your characters to get a better feel for them. I did this and found out two of my characters have a dark past that I had never planned on them actually having, but it worked out.
7. Never be afraid that your ideas are not good enough. You can’t please everyone, write it as you want, not what everyone wants.
8. Join writing groups, they help.
9. If you have the same dream over and over again, about something that no one has wrote about, then write about it. This is a sign!
10. Writing is a fun way for you to reduce stress and get those little voices in your head to stop screaming so loud. So let them be heard, write their stories for the world.
I am the person who wants to see the world become a better place, for everyone. That is why I am a part of three anthology projects that are donating all funds to charities. Agabe book anthology is my own project with some amazing authors writing amazing stories based on tough things they’ve been through. The Fear anthology was a bit different in that it was based solely on fear and all funds go to charity on that one too. Then I was approached with a new one today, via my Agabe group about a project that is going to donate funds to the St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital to help fight Pediatric Cancer. I’m all for writing something to help out the project.
My mother has been diagnosed with cancer twice, so cancer is something that hits close to home with me. Also I was hospitalized back in 2007 and was sent to a pediatric cancer doctor to make sure my bleeding disorder was because of cancer. I went to the Levine Children’s Hospital, if I’m not mistaken.
Those are the reasons that I have chosen to write a story for this project, I may or may not be chosen. But that is a guessing game in the long run. But that thought will not keep me from writing an amazing story of a young hero who takes life into her own hands.
Now that you know the background behind it, I’ll share a sneak peak of the beginning of the story in another blog posting in a little while.
I’m dying to know.
Would you like to be a fuzzy monster, or a black crow?
Would you rather be a plain monster, or a silly monster?
I really must know.
How about a monster with 86 toes?
Or one with seventeen eyes?
Would you rather be a scary monster,
or a friendly monster?
Come on tell me which, which would you pick?
Would you want to be a tiny monster,
what about a big monster?
Would you like to be able to hide in small places?
Or be able to fly?
Tell me, tell me know. I am dying to know.
Would you rather have purple fur, or green scales?
Would want to be a land monster, or one who sails?
Tell me now, make up your mind. and let me know.
This was brought about by a Halloween prompt last year. I felt the need to share it 🙂
That monster has big sharp teeth.
That one has a bloody axe.
Where did all these scary monsters,
Some are big, some are small,
Some are short and some are tall.
Some look hungry,
Others look mad.
And some look very, very bad.
Oh I am not staying around,
Any much longer,
I don’t not want to find out
If they are hungry or worse.
Time for me to run,
Run from these horrible monsters.
That little white bear,
the bear that is a constant reminder.
A constant pain in my heart,
because I know you are not here with us.
The bear that was given to me,
on that dreadful day.
The day we laid you in the ground.
The day we cried for hours.
The day that we had to realize what had happened,
that it wasn’t just a nightmare.
I wish I had you here,
instead of a small, white bear that holds a pink heart.
Instead of clinging to it, I wish I could hug you.
I wish you were not taken from us.
Every ounce of me wishes you were here.
But I know you had a higher purpose,
and were needed for something greater.
So I await the day I get to see you again.
I love you sissy.